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2002 Dairy Odes
Our 2002 dairy ode entries in no particular order.
A Dairy For All Seasons
by Neil Reesor
Roses are red,
violets are blue.
No amount of lactose
will make me spew.
With spring comes playoffs,
along with cool breeze.
I won’t need a jacket,
just a big brick of cheese.
No more going to school,
so it must be the summer.
Slap the butter on my bagel,
and it won’t be a bummer.
With a new pair of skates,
I begin to dream.
After my game winning goal,
we can all go for ice cream.
After an hour of hockey,
I put on my undies of silk.
Thirst must be quenched,
so I reach for some milk.
Another year older,
And I escaped unhurt.
I’m not unbreakable,
merely eat my yogurt.
Regarding A Cow
by Christy McCready
Regarding A Cow
Oh cow, oh cow, what are you thinking?
Are you content?
Do you yearn?
Do you want freedom?
Greener pastures?
A bull?
Should I leave the gate open?
Would you be happy?
Would you turn feral?
Oh cow
Moo cow
Run free cow
A Cheese Poem
by Cheesespeare
Based roughly on Shakespeare's Sonnet LXXXVI
Was it the proud full udder of Susie's great purse,
Bouncing and swaying it's full way to me,
Who cringes and shudders fearing a burst,
That has taken my heart away from for me?
Was it her chewing consuming the too quiet night?
Gum smacking noise stopping me dead?
No, neither she, nor her sisters by night,
Could conjure these pictures of cheese in my head.
For the cheese set before me is more than they are:
This creation of bovine udder secreations,
This gift of my lovely cow that you are,
Rising my taste buds to udder elation.
But when your great udder filled up my sight,
It was then that I met the love of my life.
CHEESE WHINING AGAIN
By Jeff Stover 12 / 01
WHEN GRAHAM HAD LEFT PRISON, THE EX-CON WASN'T SCARY
FOR HE OPENED A CHEESE SHOP, NAMED BRIDGET JONES'S DAIRY
BUSINESS WASN'T GRATE, SOME THOUGHT IT A SCAM
CHEDDAR BOUGHT BY THE POUND, BUT SOLD BY THE KILLER-GRAHAM
A FULL-BODIED WINE CONNOISSEUR WHOSE NAMED ROSE
WAS SWEET ON OUR MAN, BUT WELL-CHILLED, I SUPPOSE
FROM THE WINDS OF OUR FEBRUARY, THE NIPPY BITE ON HER MIND
AND SHE SPIT SOUR GRAPES AS SHE TABLED HER WHINE
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH!", HER SUGAR CONTENT GONE PRACTICALLY
HER MOODY BLUE NOTED, GRAHAM SAID, "MY SEDIMENTS EXACTLY!"
SHE SAID, "I FEEL LIKE THE SWISS, WEDGED HIGH WITH SHARP STORMING
AND I'D LIKE TO SHOOT HOLES IN THOSE OPPOSED TO GLOBAL WARMING"
"IT'S MADE THE DANISH TURN BLUE, AND NOW PASTOR RITZ CRACKERS,
ONLY A YEAR SINCE HE'S PASTEURIZED, HAS LOST ALL OF HIS BACKERS."
JACK COLBY WAS HER HUBBY, A MILD-MANNERED KINDA SORT
HER SPOUTING-OFF PROMPTED HIS LAST TEPID RESORT
HE OFFERED HER FLOWERS, BUT SHE FLUNG THEM AWAY
NOW HE WISHED HE HADN'T GIVEN SUCH A DELICATE BOUQUET
HE SAID, "MY BRETON FRIEND ARTIE'S OLD LANCASHIRE PAD
WILL ALWAYS TAKE US AS VISITORS." WHEN IT O'CURD SHE WAS SAD
SHE YELLED, "YOU CAN HAVARTI, FOR I WON'T BE COMING BACK,
I'M GOING TO MELT WHERE IT'S WARM, I'LL BE IN MONTEREY, JACK!"
Dairy
good
by Amanda June Webb
Yummy brown bovine just
right for the slice,
All mangle and
cooked
Made to
entice,
Nelore style beauty
I'd swallow you
whole
Cook you up right
Over a grill full of
coal
Medium rare
Or over done
It's happened now
The drool has begun.
But something's not
right
It's not quite
enough
Having just meat
Makes the eating part
tough.
You're milk, meat, and
glorious Hyde
So many wonderful things you
provide.
Let's add some
cheese
Just for a
start
And fix up some corn
bread
Now that's the best
part
Adding our milk our water
our eggs
Drink chocolate
milk
When we finish the
kegs
Now it's time to hit the
sweets
You are everything in
delectable treats.
You make up my ice cream,
Apart of my cake
Even in the fondue that I'm
sure to partake.
By the time I am done
I have eaten you
completely
I unbuckle my belt and
straighten up
Neatly.
You're meat my main coarse
You're dairy my
topping
If I could,
I'd continue
years
Without
stopping.
But tomorrow I'm sure I'll
be hungry again
Then I'll cook you up
nice
My yummy-bovine,
friend.
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