No Kidding

By: Shirley Lovell

One day my neighbour said to me
As she put on her coat,
"We really need to go away
Would you please milk our goat."
"And you can keep that milk", she said
"And have it with your tea".
As goat's milk is a special treat.
It sounded good to me.
So then I said to daughter, Barb,
I'll need some help from you,
I have to milk the Albright's goat.
This task for me is new.
I've heard this goat just hates to stand
And have her spigots wrung,
But myabe with the two of us
And luck we'll get it done.
So Barb held tight to both the horns.
This had the front end nailed,
But still the rear end lurched and rocked
As hoofs and heels new failed.
I tried to grab those little spouts
As they went whipping by.
'Twas worse that catching butterflies
Sailing through the sky.
Since goats have only half the taps
This job should go much faster,
But even if she'd had but one
It would still be disaster.
The milk first landed on the ground
With the cats hot on the trail,
But later as my aim improved
Some landed in the pail.
"How's it going?" Barbara asked.
Into the pail I peek.
"There's milk enough to float the bugs".
I boast with tongue in cheek.
That goat, she never tried.
She struggled to the end,
My hands were stiff and aching,
My fingers wouldn't bend.
At last I said, "I've had it,
She'll have to keep the rest".
With more than just my ego bruised
I'd failed the milking test.
We peered into that battered pail
And this is what we found,
Some grubby milk with lumps and so
We poured it on the ground.

Poem written by Shirley Lovell for 1999 James McIntyre Poetry Evening