Removing New Container Tops

By: Shirley Lovell

Removing new container tops,
A challenge to be met.
Requires skill and patience that
I haven't mastered yet.

Just "PRESS AND TURN" the bottle says
Which leads to some debate.
For me these two manoeuvres don't
Begin to correlate.

Now "SQUEEZE AND TURN" sounds simple but
I still can't get it done.
With reddened face I twist and grunt
Then hand it to my son.

Just "LINE UP ARROWS, PUSH OFF CAP"
Is one that seldom fail's.
The cap's not all that gets removed.
I'm minus fingernails.

"TO OPEN BOX, PULL TAB AROUND"
The lid should elevate
But half way 'round the cardboard box
Most tabs disintegrate.

But don't despair, I've found a way
To foil Murphy's Law.
Three handy tools I keep close by,
My crowbar, sledge and saw.

The Ingersoll Times, Wednesday, June 24, 1998