Ingersoll's Big Cheese

By: Shirley Lovell

I've heard of thee "Oh Queen of Cheese."
I've head you were a sight to please.
But I have heard another story
That robs you of a little glory,
'Twas told to me by Mrs. Cow,
I can't reveal her name just now,
As she lies resting in the shade.
Now word for word here's what she said.
Mooo
I Overhead James Harris say,
We're making cheese, let's make it pay.
I have this plan to advertise,
Produce a cheddar, Mammoth size,
Then ship it where more folks can try it,
And soon the world will come and buy it.
We'll need more milk to make more curd.
Go buy more cows, expand the herd.
And get more feed, they must be fed.
Oh Dead, said I, there goes my bed.
Soon cows MOOved in from all around,
Bawling, bellowing what a sound.
They horned in on my hay and grain
And udderly be came a pain.
Now you may wonder "What's the Beef."
I swear to you 'twas nought by grief.
In one small barn we all were squeezed,
So many cows for just one cheese.
It soon became all Black and White
We'd have to work both day and night.
We ate, they milked, they milked, we ate.
No COWard could withstand this fate.
I still remember hands so cold.
You daren't kick or you'd be sold.
We stood there while they pulled and squeezed.
A little gentler if you please!
So we were milked for all we're worth.
To Mammoth Cheese we cows gave birth.
Around the world and back it rolled,
Our seven thousand pounds of gold.
Its fame may rest in many hearts,
While we lie resting UDDER parts.
MOOoo..

October 1998
For the James McIntyre Poetry Evening, November 5, 1998